Friends is something I have always had issues with and today I am seriously struggling with this concept. Last night I went to a family fair with my children and there was a woman there that says she is my friend. She spoke to me, and joked with me about the cute things our two youngest children were doing, sat at the table right next to me while my daughter and I sat all alone, and she ignored us. This made me leave the fair wondering about people and their opinion of friend. Ariel and I discussed this and maybe it is our town, maybe it is life in today's world I don't know for sure but it seems that people only have time for one or two really good friends in their lives now a days and the rest are just friends they talk to when they see them.
To me it seems that people create groups of friends and they never really want to let anyone else in. It seems that people make friends and have lots of room for acquaintances but not more friends, and they don't allow people in to find out if they are missing out on the best friendship of their lives. Whether it be their friends are their school friends, the ones they have known since they were children; maybe it is the people they met when they first moved to the town. It doesn't really matter the point is that if you are new unless you meet other new people finding someone who has room for you to be their friend is almost impossible. I have a lot of acquaintances people that include me on their friends list on facebook, who talk to me whenever they see me out in the town, would have a drink with me if they saw me at a party. But these same people would never come to my house for coffee or invite me out for coffee although they usually say the age old "we should get together someday soon". These people list me when talking about the friends they have yet never spend more than an hour with me. I find this is the way of life and I have never had enough of this kind of friend for my day to be full...so I usually sit home alone without friends :(
Many years ago I met a woman at the worst time of my life. I was 20 years old in the hospital with toxemia and not allowed out of bed. She was 22 just having given birth to her second child and was there to help me. She was very kind and understanding which was something I didn't have been thousands of miles from my family. She left the hospital and I never saw her again for the next 8 months. Then I ran into her in the local grocery store. We exchanged numbers and discussed calling when I returned from a trip home. When I got back I gave her a call and she has been my best friend ever since. She was there for me when I had my second child, we were there for each other through our husbands being away and everything else being a military wife entailed. At the time our friendship was taboo, her husband was an 'officer' and mine was a 'rank' and in those days there wasn't to be mingling between the ranks. She didn't care if her husband didn't get promoted she was going to hang out with whom ever she choose. In 1996 within months of each other we both divorced and moved back to our home towns...unfortunately mine was in Alberta and her's was in Ontario...I haven't seen her since.
In the beginning it was letters and an occasional phone call (as those were expensive), then it was email and the occasional msn conversation, and now it is text messaging and msn. But we have always been there for each other, through difficult relationships, problems with the children, exs or our parents. The one thing I love about this friend, the one thing I have a really hard time finding in any other friend is her honesty. My friend (whom I share a name with) Tammy is brutally honest, if I want to hear how it is without anything being held back I will ask her, I know she will tell me what she sees and not lie to me. When I have no where else to turn and everyone else is sugar coating things for me I know that she is there and will give it to me straight. The world needs more people like her that aren't afraid to be themselves and not sugar coat life.
Although she lives thousands of miles from me and I haven't actually seen her in almost 15 years there is no one else on the planet I would call my best friend other than her. It is kind of funny that after being friend for 6 years living just across town from each other I don't have a single picture of us together, her family actually things I am a figment of her imagination :)
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4 comments:
I agree...people do create little circles of friends and don't want to let people in. That's one major problem and something that always makes me wonder if we actually ever leave high school.
While I do agree that people can get in a comfort zone and have a hard time opening up to someone new, I also think that to have even one friend like the one you have is very precious. I say this because I am on the other side of the fence and have just realized that most of my friends have slipped to the wayside now that I am working, in school, and have a child. Maybe I will give a friend a call tomorrow and catch up. Thank you!
One great friend that you can turn to when you need her is all you really need. And honestly, with the craziness of life, I can only give that much energy to one friend at a time. I have many friends, but only one that I make an effort to talk to almost every day. To have a great friend for that many years is awesome! God bless her for being there for you (and with her honesty), I hate the sugar coating too!
so great you have such a good friend!
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