All You in 52: Week 1

Debby has a challenge on her blog to create a book of "me"...I haven't done the challenge yet as I hate doing layouts about me and some of the questions really require a lot of thought and I am not sure that I know the answer...I thought since I was looking something to journal about I would try to answer one of these questions.  I will start with the first question and see what I can come up with...

Week 1: Who influenced your life the most?

This is a difficult question as most of the people that have influenced my life have done so in a bad way. We moved around a lot and I never really was able to create the lasting bonds that some people have done.  There are people who have come into my life that have influenced me for a short period of time, or have influenced parts of my life but there isn't really anyone that has really caused to me to think about who I am more than my children...

When I was 19 I was partying hard really unsure what I wanted to do with my life.  I come from an alcoholic family and from that I don't just me my parents (my father to be exact) I mean generations of alcoholics on both sides of my family tree...  My father has 10 siblings and my mother has 7 and we used to say that it would be hard to find half a dozen people in all of those families that didn't have an alcohol or drug issue.  I knew more about drugs and alcohol by the time I started school than most people learn in their lives and I knew that it wasn't something I wanted to do...but as a teenager I experiemented just like most kids and found that I enjoyed the escape from life.  At the time and still to this day I hate the taste of alcohol so if I am going to drink it has to be the tuti-fruiti drinks.  I was living in a vacation town, they brought people in to work the hotels, restaurants and gift shops during the summer...so these were mostly young people trying to make a quick buck in the summer to pay for school in the fall....and this meant a large crowd of people who worked during the day and party all night.

Now I am sure you are wondering what this has to do with my children...well I moved away when the summer was over and joined my now husband in a military town thousands of miles away...since I knew no one but my husband, had no friends or family there drinking and partying was still the way of life... Just before I turned 20 I found out I was pregnant and my life changed from that moment on.  I stopped drinking I refused to touch a drop the whole time I was pregnant or nursing and over that year I completely lost my taste of the "drunken" life.  I don't drink now, I can probably count on one hand the number of full drinks I have had over the past five years.  I have a sip or two of wine when my husband decides to try a new kind...and he always says "try this one I think you will like it" and every time I make a strange face...I am sure he gets me to drink it just to see the face I make.  I didn't even drink a full glass of wine at my own wedding.  Finding out I was pregnant changed the course of my life.

Now of course that isn't the influence that my children have had on my life but it shows that from the moment I "became" a mother to this day my children have influenced the decisions I have made.  I do my best to be a good person for my children.  I don't drink, I don't use drugs (and although my family history have never actually tried anything that you can't buy at the drug store), I have obeyed the rules and tried to show my children that no matter what life gives you that it is possible to overcome it and come out a decent person.  Now don't get me wrong I have my faults and have made many mistakes...I have many regrets in my life unfortunately but I do the best I can so that I can give my children the best I am able.  For the past 18 1/2 years I have done everything in my life based on the effect it will have on my children...and yes sometimes the effect you thought something would have is different than what it actually has but that is my thought before I do anything.

Many people have said things that have changed the way I see life, many people have done things that have taught me what to do and what not to do...but nothing like my children.    My children have taught me things about myself that no one would ever be able to teach me...things that I would have never known until I became a mother.  I have learnt the kind of person I truly am by watching my children...as they say if you want to see how things really are look at them through the eyes of a child.

So I may not aspire to be like my children, but I do aspire for them to be better than me.  I don't want to be like them when I grow up but I hope to never stop learning from them and I hope that one day they will acknowledge that they did learn some good things from me.  I hope that one day my children will understand that good or bad every decision I made was influenced by them and that no matter the outcome it was what I thought was best for them.