Who do you love? Why?

Our challenge this week at sb.com is to journal about who we love and why? This could be a very straight forward blog...but anyone who knows me knows that there is no such thing as simple in my world. Love is such a relative term, the dictionary describes it as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; it also says sexual intercourse...so this leaves it wide open to interpretation.

I used to believe that you fell in love with someone the minute you saw them and that your life would be wonderful after that moment...I have since figured out that love doesn't quite work that way. There is nothing easy about love and even if you fall in love with someone the minute you see them there is no guarantee that your life will be wonderful from that moment on. In my life I have said I hated people that I later realized I actually loved I was just mad at them and unwilling to move past my own bitterness to see how important they were to me until it was too late. I have loved people more because I loved the idea of being them than actually feeling a deep and undying love for them. I find most times there are many other emotions that get in the way that love is clouded.

There is one love like no other, it is a love that you feel the minute you set sight on that person and no matter what happens you will always love this person. Just like all other love there may be times when other emotions get in the way and cloud your view of that love but it will never go away...and that is the love of a child. I heard a saying once that said a mother falls in love the minute she concieves and a father falls in love the minute he sees the child...either way there is a bond of love between a parent and a child that surpasses all others. Not saying that because a parent loves a child that they won't make mistakes or hurt them because that is a fact of life and even more so a fact of love...but there is no feeling deeper.

At 19 I got pregnant with my first child and I loved the idea of being a mom...although I was much more ill equipt than I ever imagined. I have made lots of mistakes especially with my first child but my love for him never faltered for a second...and eighteen years later I love him as much as I did the minute I felt him move in my stomach. The hardest thing I ever did as a parent was let go of my children (that's a different blog) but letting my son move out at 17 was a heart ache I wasn't perpared for...and now that he is an adult I know it is coming again and I love him too much to stop him and it kills me to let him go :(

Until

by Tali G

Scrapbook.com

Right now my daughter and I are starting to bang heads...mostly because she is too much like me :)...but the love a mother feels for her daughter is unexplainable, she is an extension of myself; she is my friend; she is my life. I don't love my daughter any more than I love my sons, it is just different it is a relationship that can't be explained. Even though my daughter was my second child the moment I held her knowing that I had my little princess I was filled with a love I had never known before. I think father's feel the same way but reversed, they had that legacy feeling with the son and the princess feeling with their daughter's. A little boy grabs his mother's heart and a little girl wraps her daddy around her little finger?

Love you

by Tali G

Scrapbook.com

Then of course there is a totally different love for that last child...the Baby. Something about knowing that you will not have anymore children, that this will be the last baby to love, that this will be the last child you will be able to call your own and watch grow makes that love connection deeper than with anyone else. I don't love my baby any more than my other two children but right now I am holding on really tight...he is almost five years old now and I know that soon he will be too big to give me hugs and kisses and will be embarassed by our little "so much" games and I dread that time...so I hold on tight now, maybe even tighter since his older brother will be leaving soon :(

So Much

by Tali G

Scrapbook.com

As I mentioned there are all kinds of love and none are as deep as that of a mother to her child (have to note that some mom's unfortunatley never feel this love towards their children and I feel sorry for them and the child). But there is another kind of love that can run as deep as that of a mother to a child, but is very different. Although I chose to have children and I chose to love them, they are my children and it really shouldn't be any other way...but there are parents of children who chose to love a child that isn't "their's". There are foster parents or adoptive parents that take in someone else's child and love them for many different reasons, but today there are as many step parents as there are natural parents. These parents take on the love of a partner as a package deal, love me...love my child. And although the love for this child is different than the love of your own child it can still be a magically thing. I love my step daughter in a very different way than I love my "own" children...but I chose to love as my own child. My feelings for her run as deep as any of the other children in my house , I may not have been there when she was born, I may not have seen her "firsts" but she wrapped me around her little finger and I love her the same as I love my "own" children, differently but no less.

The Gift of You

by Tali G

Scrapbook.com

So I think I made the point that love is relative...it depends on who you have these feelings for and your relationship with them. I love my children...all four of them. But I also love many other people in many different ways...

I love my Mom because she is my Mom...and that is just the way it is supposed to be...but because she was there for me in her own way, and I understand a lot more of her way now than I did even 5 years ago.

I loved my Dad although up until his passing in 2002 I had no idea...one of those relationships that I hid behind my bittterness...and I regret that every day of my lfie.

I love my brothers...just like my children I love them differently...one is the baby and I felt a protective almost parental love for him, the other I loved like my Dad hidden behind bitterness.

I love my niece and nephews although I never see them :(

I love my mother in law...I can't say that this was always this way but she is a great person and now that I am grown up I can see that she is just being a Mom, maybe I needed to understand being a Mom before I understand her.

I love my friends...I am a very loyal person and have had the same best friend for the past 18 years although unfortunately I haven't seen her in 12 years and miss her very much...thank God for technology so the thousands of miles between us don't seem so far.

There are people I have loved for short periods of time (in the relem of things) that have left a mark on my heart and I am sure to some degree still love them but not in the same way.

I am sure you think I forgot a major important person in my life...but like they say I saved the best for last. My love for my husband is very confusing to most people...sometimes even to us. Long story short we started dating at 15 back at a time when you dated people that your friends liked and dumped those they didn't...back at time when love was defined by where you stood on the social totem pole instead how you actually felt for someone. Three years later after more off than on we tried again...and we made it stick for a while longer. But being married at 19, having our first child at 20 we had a lot to learn about love and life. At 26 we divorced because we thought there was no other options...and maybe there wasn't? After 9 years of living our own lives, trying to figure out the meaning of life and what love was really all about we established that we still loved each other...that our love was one of those ones hidden behind biterness. Now being back together for 4 years we are living a very complicated life but at the bottom of it all is our love for each other. My husband is an amazing man and although we don't always see things the same way, I respect his views a great deal. Our love may not always been seen in to everyone, sometimes it can't be seen daily but it is always there and no matter how bad things get I know that we will be there for each other.

Against All Odds

by Tali G

Scrapbook.com

Sorry for such a long post but Love is a typic that could be discussed for hours...