Relating To What You Read...caution book spoilers

I have never been a big reader, I don't know if it was because as a child I had a hard time concentrating or if it was that I really didn't want to read...but as I went through high school I read romance novels for young readers...that was it. I think I loved the idea how a young girl could stumble upon the guy of her dreams, he would be totally devoted to her and they would walk off into the sunset happily ever after. I don't know it if was because I wanted to escape the reality of my own word or if I loved how life could work out for some people if only in a book. For many years these were the only types of books I could read. My husband is an avid reader, when we were married many years ago his nose was always in a book, and he tried to get me to read along with him. He tried to branch me out to different genres of books and see something more than romance novels. I tried to read other things but they were so difficult, it took me many months to read 'Roots' by Alex Haley, I forced myself to read it although it really wasn't something I wanted to read. I was glad when I was done that I had accomplished the read but it took a long time.

As the years went on I was able to read more and now I can read a book in a day just like the rest of my family (husband and daughter) mostly, but I really have to want to read it. I rarely read romance novels now...perhaps because I don't believe that life turns out that way but every once in awhile I do read one that I love but it is rarely a happily ever after romance book. I try to read things that not only entertain me but that teach me something about the world we live in or about myself. No not every thing I read is like that, after all I did read the Twilight Series and I did not learn anything valuable in a series about werewolves and vampires, but I have tried to read books that make me think, not just entertain.

A couple of weeks back I picked up a book at Wal-mart. The story looked interesting and I thought I would give it a try...the back of the book reads "This stunning novel begins on a winter night in 1964, when a blizzard forces Dr. David Henry to deliver his own twins. His son, born first, is perfectly healthy, but the doctor immediately recognizes that his daughter has Down Syndrome. For motives he tells himself are good, he makes a split-second decision that will haunt all their lives forever. He asks his nurse, Caroline, to take the baby away to an institution. Instead, she diappears into another city to raise the child as her own. Compulsively readable and deeply moving. The Memory Keeper's Daughter is a brillanntly crafted story of parallel lives, familial secrets, and the redemptive power of love."

When I picked up and read the back of this book I never thought that it would be something I could relate to after all I have never dealt with a down syndrome child (even though there are two of them in my family) and I have never given away a child so I thought this would just be an interesting read about how someone made choices that effected their lives. As I read I couldn't believe how much I related to the story in this book. Dr. David Henry comes from a very rough life, he was poor, he grew up hard as they say and he struggled to make sure that the life he had as an adult was totally different than that of what he lived as a child. I can so relate to this as I grew up in a lower middle class family struggling to get the things we needed let alone anything that we might have wanted in life and I wanted better for my children. I guess I didn't work as hard it as he did as I didn't become a doctor and make major amounts of money to give my children every thing but I did struggle to give them better than what I had. In this book no matter how hard David tried to give his family a better life, he ended up depriving them of the things that he did have as a child. Although his family had little money they did have love and make wonderful memories that he can't seem to get out of his mind through out his life. There is a quote from the book that I think says it all "You missed a lot of heartache, sure. But David, you missed a lot of joy." David did what he thought was best to make things better for his wife and son and in the end caused them more pain than was necessary. I think I have done this in my life as well. Everything I have done was because I thought it was best for my children and I believe in the end I subjected them to pain that they didn't deserve or would have been exposed to if I hadn't tried to make things better for them.

The secrets he hid from his family caused them to build walls and pull apart, everyone having their own secrets and feeling they did not really belong in the family unit. I can relate to this in many ways, I have had secrets that I have kept from people my whole life things like the fact that my father was an alcoholic and abusive, that my boyfriend was an alcoholic, drug abuser and physical abusive or maybe hiding things that I had done in response to these things. There were always secrets and when you live a life where you are trying to keep your true identity hidden you change who you really are, but you also change the people around you because the person you were when you met your spouse is not the same person you are after living together for 5, 10, 15, 20 years with secrets. The person you are when you child is born is the person they see as the years pass by. In this book the secrets tear the family apart, they live together but they are all alone, and this is how I lived my life as a child as well as an adult, the secrets of my life have changed me over the years and have made my life more difficult than I am sure the truth may have.

I seem to relate to most of the characters in this book, Norah the mother of the down syndrome child, feels alienated and alone in her world. Like something is missing, I lived for 9 years only seeing my children once a month or less and I felt a huge hole in my heart. I lived my life searching for something to fill that void, just as Norah does in this book. Paul is the child left to live with these parents who are missing a child they never knew and he feels never quite good enough, that although he knows deep down that his parents love him he feels there is something they are holding back from him. I have always felt this way in my life that my parents were so busy with my brothers that there was nothing left for me. In the end the secret is revealed by David but not to Norah and Paul but to a stranger and he is finally free of the ties the secret has had on his life for almost a quarter of a century, he finally decides to tell Norah the truth and he is unable and it is now too late. I think this is how must of us live our lives, we allow the secrets to destroy us, to mold our lives and then when we feel we can no longer take the pain that is caused we decide to tell others. Sometimes we tell strangers hoping that they will offer a shoulder to cry on and to tell us that we are not the horrible human beings we think we are, but usually we blurt it out to the ones we love hurting them more. And even more often the secret goes with us to our grave and we never give it any thoughts to what will happen to these people if they find out after we are gone.

This book is an amazing read, it is a great look into humanity and how one person can effect the lives of many other people. As I told my daughter it is not an interesting story in that there are no adventures and major excitment and activity it is a story about life, and even though the story is set in 1964-1989 it could take place at any time...maybe the facts would be different but I believe these things happen all the time. If you are looking for a good read about love, life and foregiveness check it out.