The End of The World as We Know It

I don't think there is anyone out there more dramatic than teenagers, and of course we all do it. The life of a teenager is hard, you are trying to find yourself and figure out where you belong in the world and then you have your parents and teachers trying to mold you into what they want you to be. It is a constant push and pull that a lot of kids think they are never going to get through. My daughter is no exception, right now she is struggling with who she is and where she thinks she belongs in the world...and her struggles got me to thinking how things were when I was a teenager. According to my children that was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth so things might be a bit different but I am sure even back then a teenager was a teenager and the issues were all the same :)

I lived in a very small town as a teenager, you know one of those whos like in the Cheers theme song...where every one knows your name. Right now we live in a city of 12, 000 people...yes it is actually a city ;) and my husband and I can't go out without running into someone we know, and as annoying as that is at times it is nothing to what it was like when I was a teenager. The small town I lived in boasted a population of like 1200 people, and you knew them all...well if you didn't know them all you knew of them. You know the 'that is Suzie's little sister' kind of thing. Being involved in Gymnastics, Cadets, Pioneer Girls (the Churches version of Girl Guides), Youth Group, Church, Choir, Sunday School and of course school...you know a lot of people. Then there are the people your parents know, your siblings know and any other family you have around there...so going out and running into someone you knew was a given...going out and not running into someone you knew was kind of scary :)

Anyway my point is that when you are a teenager in a town so small where you know everyone or they know you it can be difficult to keep anything to yourself, if you world comes crashing down it is hard to stop the whole town from knowing. I lived under a veil of secrecy as a child with an alcoholic father, then as a teenager with a trouble maker brother. But it wasn't total secrecy more that kind where everyone knows but no one talks about it. Because of this I learnt to keep to myself and keep my secrets to myself as well and this prevented my world from crashing down on a regular basis.

Once I was unable to keep a secret that I wish I was able to keep and my world crashed down around me...and unfortunately this one event changed my life for many years to come. In the 9th grade a boy that was in my classes as well as my youth group called my house and asked me to date him. My best friend (at the time) as well as my mother were there with me at the time. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16...a rule my father installed when he quit drinking when I was 12 and one that really upset me as it was pretty much a rule only for me as my brother was a father when he was 16 and had been dating for years...but that is another story. I told this boy that I couldn't date him and was quite upset by it. The next day we arrived at school (we both took the same bus so we arrived at the same time) and the whole school was making comments to be about the fact I wasn't able to date until I was 16 and giving him a hard time about asking me. It was a long time before he talked to me again, he blamed me for everyone knowing about it. First of all we lived in a little town everyone would find out eventually. Second the only person I told was my best friend...turns out she told someone else and that person spread it around school before the two of us got off the bus :(

This was devistating for me. Since everyone in our school knew I couldn't date until I was 16 no one ever asked me...ever. I never dated anyone from my school, and at times I think that is a good thing because most of them I wouldn't have wanted to date but at other times it was hard. One day I came to school after a school dance and a couple of girls asked me if I was dating this guy, when I questioned them about it they said they just assumed because he was talking about asking me out at the dance...this happened a lot to me through out high school. Any boy that didn't already know I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 would find out and would never approach me. Even after I turned 16. Now not dating during high school is a choice some people make and can be a good choice for some people, but not dating because you are never given the opportunity is hard on your self-esteem. It is even harder when you know that people like you they just won't date you because of something they heard.

This one day changed the course of my life in high school...just so you know I did date this guy the next year after I turned 16 (he was going to a different school at the time) it lasted a whole of three weeks and when I wouldn't give him what he thought he was entitled to he never spoke to me again...that was over 20 years ago, so I guess not all of this story is bad :)